For the love of god, do not eat here. I knew this place was bad news, but my husband really wanted…read moreto eat Chinese, and it was right across from our hotel, so I agreed. Why... why did I let him talk me into this? It took two days to find it open, despite the opening hours listed on the door. It would open for an hour for dinner, then close again by the time we'd try to go. So strange...
So how do I accurately explain why you should never, ever go to this place.. I guess I should just come out and say it... we think this place is a front for the drug trade, or some other money laundering operation. That seems like a bizarre claim to make, I know, but just stick with me for a minute, okay? Let me list the reasons why we are convinced that, at the very least, this "restaurant" is not a restaurant...
1. The opening hours. This place claimed to be open for lunch, as well as n the evening from 5-9pm or so. Yet it did not open for lunch at all, on either fo the two days we checked, and on the first day, it opened for dinner at about 5pm, and then closed at 6pm. Why? What normal restaurant would close at 6pm for dinner? That makes no sense whatsoever.
2. The look on the kid's face when we came in. He looked surprised, like he was not at all expecting customers. He just looked at us for a moment, and then went: "Uhm, you're here to... eat?"
3. The tables. Not a single table was set. They were all completely empty, old, gross tables. No table cloths, no condiments on the table, no knives, forks, glasses, nothing whatsoever. Like they weren't expecting anyone at all for dinner. On a Friday night.
4. The menu/availability. First of all, this place is not actually Japanese/Chinese fusion, like it says on the windows. The Japanese section of the menu was taped shut. Fine, I guess it wasn't profitable, you say? Well, the Chinese menu was... not really available either. We started asking for dishes, and one after another, the answer was: "We don't have any, the delivery truck didn't come today."
5. Sooo... finally we were able to order two different dishes: Fried rice, and fried noodles. With tofu. (smart choice, in retrospect) So why on earth doesn't a Chiense restaurant have any food to serve?? The only food is fried rice and fried noodles... Seems like something you'd have on hand "just in case" someone comes in, or to make yourself some lunch while you sit around pretending to be a restaurant.
6. The food was gross. Made with the same plain soy sauce, no other flavor, like they had nothing in their kitchen whatsoever. The tofu was REALLY weird tasting, and it seemed to have been fried in old frying fat. I barely touched my food.
7. The employees. There was only one, a teenage boy (16-19?). He seated us, took our order, and went back to cook the food. Didn't see him again after he'd put the food down. Didn't ask us if we wanted another drink, nothing. Finally managed to get him to come out for the check, that was it.
8. The credit card machine. We paid by credit card, and the kid clearly had no idea how to work the machine. It took him forever to figure it out.
9. The other customers. There were none. At all. Not one person came in, or even looked inside. Kyoto does take-out too, so we thought maybe it was just set up for take-out primarily. But nobody ever called. The phone never rang even once, the entire time, and nobody came to order or pick up food. Not. A. Soul.
We finally left, and probably came out with a mixture of confusion and disgust on our faces. Four guys in their twenties, who were sitting at the cafe next door having a beer, called us over. "So, uhm, how was that place? We've been sitting here for 45 minutes, saw you go in, but we never saw anyone else go in. We were kind of wondering..." At that point, my husband and I just looked at each other and laughed. We told them: "Just... don't. Just don't eat there. We have no idea what kind of business they do in there, but that place is NOT a restaurant. Stay away."
The guys laughed and thanked us. We walked out and got on the bus (we were off to the ferry, and realized while inside Kyoto that the bus to the ferry stops right out front). I kind of wanted to throw up. I didn't, and fortunately did not get sick. But all I can tell you, my fellow Yelpers, is the same thing I told those four guys: "Don't. Just don't." Because whatever Kyoto is a front for, it is NOT a restaurant.
