Kind of rough-looking at first, complete with a very few well-worn tables, a rough-looking…read morebartender and big, angry-eyed Jaegermeister hart on the wall blasting you in the face as soon as you walk in, but don't let appearances mean everything. The place was great.
The rough guy behind the bar may or may not be one of those guys hired to throw fighting drunkards out onto the street, but if so, he was a friendly rough guy who could recommend the right beer along with the outstanding onion rings with a smile on his face and a description of their ingredients and preparation that was straight from a chef's school's creative menu-writing class by way of a genuine love for the establishment's own big circular fried veggies. Our waitress was a engaging, beautiful, well-rounded and very cheerful Sco'ish woman with equal enthusiasm for the burgers and beers on tap. Good service, all y'all!
The beer recommended for my wife was a Czech Pilsner draft, Krusovice, a mass-market offering from Heineken that's tasty, if not very challenging. She said it was meh - but she was on the way to finishing the whole pint when I expressed surprise that she'd gone through more than a third of the glass, her usual place to stop. Either she liked it more than she let on, or the day's exertions led to a need for extra alcohol. Mine was a more-local-er IPA that I don't have the name of because I've been counting on the name being on the receipt and it isn't. Darn, because it was tasty and went well with the food and you should get that.
So why should an American get a burger in Paisley, UK? I dunno. We were here to join an organized tour of northern Scotland, where we were promised all the Scottish food we cared to mange for the next week, and didn't really want to go overboard; plus, we'd been in Edinburgh the previous few days, and tried some of the local versions of lots of kinds of foods, so just wanted a quick somewhat-familiar bite as a respite. It was the right thing for us.
Somewhat familiar, anyway. The burger was delicious, but ground a little differently, so not quite the same texture. It was singed on the crust (mmmm!) but cooked to medium-doneness in the inside (mmmm!). The roll was a beautiful, shiny egg-white-finished thing with excellent texture and an actual flavor of its own. We each got slightly different toppings; even though they had familiar American names, the outcome was just a little different - and seriously yummy. Get a hamburger or a cheeseburger!
The fries were potato-y, perfectly done and very tasty. Skins on, peppered as well as salted, yum, get those. My onion rings were among the best I've ever tried, due to the wonderful beer batter. The sauce was OK, not great.
Which brings us to ketchup. Heinz ketchup in the UK is just a little different from American Heinz. UK palates apparently appreciate a condiment that's slightly sweeter, with maybe a hind of cinnamon and maybe cardamom. I like it, but it's kind of a funny thing. Your tongue may expect one thing, but since it gets another, there may be some cognitive dissonance going on. Don't let your brain tilt to the "it ain't right" side! No! Gently, mindfully, pull it over to "Mmmmmm, this is good." Because it is.
This isn't an American burger joint. It's a Paisley American burger joint. Dude, you're in Scotland. Enjoy it, it's good. Go there.
BTW, the taxi stand is a few steps across the square next to the train station. It's about 5 - 6 pounds to the airport Holiday Inn, one pound cheaper than our Uber ride coming in - and the Uber driver was an asshole who gave us a lousy review, preventing us from getting the return trip. Whatever, dude. Sorry you're bitter that you lost your business, but might it be due to your attitude?
