People often ask me how it is I have developed the physique that I have. I normally just smile and…read morebrush it off with an, "Oh you", but my secret is daily sleeves of Oreo cookies and Ritz crackers with lots of canned Cheez Whiz layered up generously on top (dedication).
In an effort to balance out my ridiculous life choices with my desire to live to be 150, and continue to make such bad choices, I joined the Harborside CrossFit gym.
As with most CrossFit gyms, the monthly price is steep at $150 (there are some discounts offered, such as for students, emergency responders, etc.). CrossFit, of course, is a name brand and it costs big bucks for name brands (I'm talking about you Q-Tips, Rollerblades). A lot of other gyms not affiliated with the vaunted CrossFit brand can get you in and sweaty for a lot less money, however, these other gyms aren't the same caliber as Harborside CrossFit.
The kicker with this gym are the coaches. There are extraordinary coaches at this gym, specifically Jeff and Lindsay, whom I've spent the bulk of my time with. In addition to the fantastic tutelage they provide, they also act as personal trainers & nutritionalists, which would likely cost a lot more than $150 a month.
Aside from being a workout savant whose opinions you trust because he obviously knows what he's talking about, Jeff flaunts a natural-born teaching instinct, and manner of delivering knowledge to his pupils uncanny to most, I suspect, in his field. He could put on a clinic for "How to field dress a three-day-old road killed skunk for consumption", and somehow he'd fill that class up with eager learners willing to put skunk on the menu, unbeknownst to their mouths, stomachs and colons, which would all be angry with them when they found out.
And then there's Lindsay.... Her abilities far exceed the normal expectations of the human body. Not to mention, she NEVER eats Ritz crackers coated in cheese (I know, right?!) In fact, I'm convinced she's some kind of superhuman being, sent to our planet to gets us all into shape and/or save our very existence --as long as no one pelts her with kryptonite, of course-- and she does so with the coolest demeanor. She makes you realize just how selfish of a son-of-a-B that Clark Kent was, writing fake news and chasing tail at the Dailey Planet like a jerk.
I can't guarantee you that you'll find the classes at Harborside CrossFit well suited for you, at least not at first. However, that's the whole point if you truly want to improve yourself and your fitness. Put yourself outside of your comfort zone, put the ice cream sandwiches down and slowly back away... then burpee yourself until you vomit (dedication).
