I rarely review nor frequent dive bars much anymore, but that is not to say I don't like them. I still feel there is a nice purpose and certain times these can be a non-fussy way to chill and enjoy the company you're with. I've never hung out here at night, when DJs are here. But I've been in about a half dozen times during the day hours, either hanging out with friends before or after visiting a restaurant in the neighborhood. Anytime I've been in, its been pretty chill, always room on the bartop, some lounging/couch areas if you prefer. Drinks are dive bar cheap which is my comfort zone, but that is not to say that people only drink cheap sh%# here. You can drink whatever you want, but their pricing is just super fair and non-gouging. I'm sure there are lounge-ier spots within these blocks that want to charge $15-$18 per drink, but I'm not about that noise, never have been. The thing I really like about this dive is their sound system, even from their jukebox. It is always so clear and encompassing, even when the music is at a loud level. Other bars, if the accoustics are wrong, then loud music can be intrusive and/or irritating. Not here, maybe the big space is good for that, but I also think they have super nice speakers in the right spots to surround you with cool tunes. And I like music from many genres so even when other people are playing their music, I can still have a good time. And a couple of drinks with some good company, with some good nostalgic tunes on blast, I just can't help but have only good times here. I'll dive back here without hezzy. read more

The Funky Monkey - Old School Cooler Door. - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

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Looking to have good drinks and fun this the spot to be. They have pool. Hoops. Darts and punch machine

Leslie is the best!! My friend and I stopped in on a whim last week and Leslie hooked us up! I'm a big IPA gal but my friend isn't so Leslie let us try a few beers to see which one we wanted. The Funky Monkey is definitely dive-y and unassuming. The prices for the chips+salsa and beers we got were beyond reasonable, probably the best I've seen in the Bay Area in a long time. Anyway, Leslie is a hoot and we'll definitely be back to see her again read more

The Funky Monkey - Cash only! (They have an ATM inside) - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

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Took the order of my friend and girlfriend yet I was ignored. My friend closed our tab before trying her drink. Her michelada was made incorrectly, and kindly asked for a plain beer instead. She was then charged again for half of the drink that was made incorrectly for a beverage that cost less than what she had initially ordered read more

Great place to come and the security Paul was friendly and amazing!!! Will definitely come back again ! Super fun to come with friends and kick it :) read more

The Funky Monkey - Great place to go - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

After 11 on Friday it's a chill vibe, bartenders are nice, security makes me feel safe, like I can drink and not worry about much else, givin' this place 5 stars, I come here often, would definitely recommend for anyone that wants to have fun and chill out a little, Fridays Saturdays the best days by far read more

Great service, place is very clean, no food but, Snacks . A must checkout if you haven't been. All the bartenders are on point and knowledgeable on their drinks ! read more

The Funky Monkey - Cold Lagunitas beer - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

we felt unwanted and like we didn't belong. bartenders ignored us. so many ppl mean mugging us like we invaded their crib. unwelcome to outsiders kind of spot. not ur friendly local dive bar. cunty vibe. read more

Came in last Thursday following the street party and noticed the place is very run down, it needs to be cleaned and updated and it just needs to be more modern and inviting. There's so much unused space in there, and the bathroom lock and bathroom toilet or in bad shape for the ladies room. I wish it can be a nice establishment and somewhere that people would want to hang out at, on the weekends it's in a good location and the back yard could really be a fun place to hang out if they had a beer garden back. there. read more

I have to admit. Slightly better experience. A lot of people cannot be trusted here but at least staff do their job accordingly (at least lately). read more

I like this place. It's become a standby place for me when I just want a drink or 4. Yes it's a dive bar, but friendly bartenders make great drinks at fair prices. Yes it's a little rough around the edges, but sometimes that's what you want. If that makes you uncomfortable find an Applebees. They stayed open during the pandemic and they've got outdoor places. No complaints here. read more

Funky Monkey, the name says it all. Definitely funky. Only place in Hayward I know that charges a cover fee. Though only $5 a person, still mind boggling. Good thing is, you get $5 off your drinks per person with the arm band. So that made up for it. Next bad thing, they say last call, then 5 minutes later start kicking people out. Had to chug the drink we just bought. Need a better last call process. Overall spacious place and nice bartender but some things needs fixing. read more

I live in the area, play in the dart league the Monkey holds on Tuesday nights. Where i go to enjoy the people and staff or just hangout couple hours to unwind. read more

First time ever here and will not be back Wasn't even here 1 minute and got a nasty attitude from the male bartender with a creepy vibe.. He basically turned me away. I was just looking around the joint seeing if it was worth being in there because the pub across was just as dead probably less actually wonder why lol. It's ok he was too busy talking to the ladies lmaooo. That's his concern. Who knows what he's doing... he seems like a creep.he literally told me take a walk.. was a total douche. Dude in some sports jersey. read more

We went on a Friday with my partner and sister. It was pretty quiet for a Friday but maybe it was just early. The bar is pretty clean, the lighting is nice, there is a pool table at the back of the room which is cool I guess but you surely can't play pool here if it gets crowded. There was only one female bartender at the bar and even thou there weren't that manu people at the bar she took her time getting to us. My sister and I sat at the bar and my partner went to play pool; I ordered my usual dirty gin martini which was pretty good, my sister ordered a Michelada cocktail which she said wasn't that great and my partner ordered a beer in the bottle. This place is said to be a place you can dance at but I don't see where you would dance at, maybe it works in some kind of way or the other. I don't think I would go to this place again but it seemed like a pretty chill bar to hangout at if you are in the area. read more

The Funky Monkey has now been around for 17 years. It's an amazing great local bar to hang out at lots of friendly people we've all known each other for 30 years or longer. read more

I like this bar, the bartenders are cool and prices are decent. The dance floor can get pretty wild some nights, but that fun also comes with dudes often posted on the wall just ogling at girls. There's a small patio area which used to be full of smokers but now since you can't smoke in Hayward it's much less so. Girls bathroom often has a long line. The Monkey has been known for occasional riff-raff, but it's a bar that feels like home. read more

Local bar. Reminds me of the town. Yes! The bartender tonight (Tuesday) doesn't seem personable but hey...I likes those type of people lol. Especially since I am personable, it fucks with them. Paid for with a credit card and there was no tip line so I couldn't give a tip. Did she deserve one? No. But I still tip. Eeeeyyyy did the jukebox just start playing some Lil Wayne? Ok I really like this joint. Spacious. Not alot of people here, so I'm good. I will fucks with this joint again read more

The Funky Monkey - Pinball and jukebox - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

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So I learned first hand that the "funk" is very anti-social. Regulars get the deals while the new people pay full price! I will yelp this for sure! Owner's husband offered me a hug as he gulped down a full glass of liquor and said, "Now you know better next time" as if I had any I intention of returning. He told me these deals are not advertised because they want to make money off the new customers. Wow. I noticed the owner so throwing back a glass full.... hmmm. And a rotten experience with one of the all female low-cut, pushup bra bartenders. She was so rude afterwards that others commented on her cold shoulder treatment of me. Later, she told me to bus my own table. I had merely asked why half-pitchers were being poured to others a better price while I was offered full-priced pints. And 6pm steak night takes 45 mins to materialize despite a 5pm order being placed. They expect you'll drink while you wait. So don't be in any hurry. Or take it to go because it is a good offer. Definitely a DIVE bar: dive customers, dive bar bartenders, and a dive bar loudness via the juke box. read more

If I can give it a 0 star I would.... One of the workers Friday night was so rude to my friends and I. I guess we were blocking the ordering line with our bar chairs ...we didn't know that ...this guys told us to move he grab my chair and shook it...he said that we were blocking the ordering line...I understand sir if u want us to move be nice about it and don't come up on us with an attitude saying to move and physically trying to move our chairs while I'm sitting down....obviously this guy doesn't know anything about costumer service or talking to ladies...he then proceed to attack us saying that we were rude when he was the one being rude to my friend and I... then some moments later the bartender starts to stare me down... I was so confused at the way she was looking at me... DONT GO TO THIS PLACE!!! Staff is rude... and to be honest is smells really bad in there. We didn't even finish our drink because we felt so uncomfortable after that incident with that one worker and the bartender. read more

Didn't like this bar. When you first walk in, there is a smell that doesn't seem to go away. We sat at the bar and it was sticky (I kept itching my arm cause it was so sticky). Didn't even go to the restroom's cause of the smell in the bar in general. I don't know if I'll go back to the bar. But the employees where friendly that's why for the 2 stars... read more

The definition of a Dive bar in downtown Hayward. Mostly regulars/locals and all walks of life. I saw tweekers, homeless, old people, young people and everything in between. I came with family so it was fine and we had a good time. Music from my 80s-90s era. DJ, small dance floor a pool table and a jukebox. The drinks are stiff and cheap. Decor from the 70s?? Bathrooms smell like urine and paper everywhere. I would not come here again unless I came with a group like this time. When we left the line was long to get in, I was amazed!! read more

The Funky Monkey - Hanging with family. - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

I've been coming here for a while tho it IS NOT my first choice in dive bars to go to and this is very much a DIVE BAR. I came here a bit during the covid when they were one of the only bars open and crowd that comes here is a bit rough at times but the drinks and reasonably priced and they get the job done. Tho be careful in the parking lot even in the day time, a lot of crazies and homeless. read more

Friday night bar hopping. I walk in about 10ish, nice size crowd, all ethnic groups represented (an even mix of everything). Average age about 25, lots of College kids. Kind of hard to get the bar tender's attention for a drink - then I get one finally after waiting like 10 minutes. Most the patrons were receptive, smiles met with smiles, acknowledgment gestures received well. Didn't feel uncomfortable. Music was a little loud and boisterous. Asked several females to dance. They all did. Burned over 350 calories in less then an hour just from dancing. I give this place 4 stars just for the dance factor. I have one question that has been hammering me for years........When you're dancing and the woman turns around, bends over and pushes her ass in your pelvic area and starts gyrating........What exactly is the purpose of that? Is it showing off? Being naughty? A mating call? What???? What am I suppose to do here? I'm basically here on the dance floor mimicking doggy style sex with a total stranger with my clothes on. I grab her hips and she's loving it, buy pushing back harder. Someone give me some science on this. All in all, I stayed until closing and got two phone numbers, read more

Bartender Mermaid's sinature drink !! Love the vibe here .everybody Friendly to conversate with read more

The Funky Monkey - $*x with Mermaid !! - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

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Check it out. This Place is an awesome Neighborhood spot in the Heart of tha Haystack. From Country music on the jukebox ( I'm listening 2 John Conlee now! lol) to Hip Hop on Dance Nights, to Bikers and EVERYTHANG in between! We're really All just One Big Disfunctional Family! :) Gotta Love tha Stack! Oh! Don't forget grilled Ribeye Dinners on Mondays and PokeChopz on Fridayz!!!! 5 Bonez!!!! WHAT!!! ?? :) yep yep.. Off tha chain! Last but NOT LEAST, be SURE and ask for Zephyr, she makes AMAZING Martinis! And best of all, she ENJOYS it!! :) I Totally Dig and Recommend this place! :) read more

The Funky Monkey - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

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Came here last night with coworkers the drinks are cool but the people were kinda crazy lol. It was fun though and the well drinks were cheap. Update: I thought I gave this place 3 stars but realized I only gave 2. The reason why this deserves 3 stars is because of the bartender who was funny, kinda, and gave away free costco pizza. He was a good guy and gave me a free birthday shot even though my birthday was 2 days before then. I'm not really a bar type so I don't know the next time I'll be back. But if you are in Hayward and it's late night and you're looking for a bar check this place out read more

The Funky Monkey - Well rum & coke $4 - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

Club Rumor (A large, Gay East Bay Dance Club) Is NO LONGER... It Is ***NOW*** The Funky Monkey (A Karaoke Bar/Club).... It's a good place to go and chill for just a little bit. GO WITH FRIENDS!!!! That is all I need to say... GO WITH FRIENDS!!!! Ohh And It's No Longer A Gay Thing... It's A Regular Bar. read more

The Funky Monkey - The Funky Monkey - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

Love the feeing of comfortability that I got when entering. Was meet with a greeting from the bartender and staff was a good feeling.

Bartender rude as hell, walked in went straight to the bar got ignored so we went to the the restroom came back out sat down for less than 5 minutes and she told us if we didn't buy anything we had to leave. We have to leave because you didn't acknowledge us the first time but now that you're ready I have to be ready? Fuck outta here last time I come in here already had a bad experience first time should've never gave it a second chance. read more

Good ol'times! I used to go there after coming from the palace.Lol the punching bag game is a very good idea! I think all bars should have 1 of those. read more

The Funky Monkey - Funkey monkey - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

I went here on a Saturday night. Here's the tea...They water down their small shots and over charge. Music/DJ is good.

Cool spot for all ages! Good service, great music on a Friday night, pool and they let you bring in food! Loved it!

WOMAN BE AWARE!!! There is an older guy that likes to frequent this bar that spikes women's drinks. I know of someone victimized by him. The police have been notified,luckily her friend said their ride was there and this guy bolted, who know what could've happened to her! he was up to no good. he offers women a place to live and he wants to pay all your bills. Creep? Pimp? Sex traffick? You cannot be too SAFE! KEEP A SHARP EYE ON YOUR DRINK..PLEASE! dont make it easy for this guy to violate any more woman. read more

Attention really bad reviewers, like '..pretty sure I was the only one with a college degree...' REALLY? Well, THAT was a waste of your parents money. ...unless you were majoring in Pretension. Do NOT know what some of you have endured RE: security. They HAVE to have security Friday, Saturday nights: City of Hayward mandate. 'Old' lady that I am, I've gone nose-to-nose with the guy or one of his dimwitted associates. THEN gone straight to the owner and/or bartender & complained. Case closed. BTW In case you kids didn't know - Hayward City Council's reason for living is to close down bars, or, as the one female City Council member said to the Wine Bar owner regarding a proposed law change that would penalize/charge bars for ANY bad behavior bringing law enforcement to within a proximate distance of a bar, 'we're mainly interested in closing The Monkey & The Dirty Bird.' That's right, she thinks that 1. people that drink wine certainly don't frequent bars, & 2. sight unseen, those 2 got to go. This was September, 2013. The proposal is now law, even after listening to reasoned arguments set forth by the owners of The Turf Club, Dark Horse, that wine Bar(he even had stats), Chamber of Commerce, etc, etc. Too many to list. They don't care. They hate bars. Unless they're in a restaurant. Apparently Sweeney et al majored in Pretension too.. This bar owner belongs to the Chamber of Commerce, donates time & space to charities a minimum of monthly, has steak on Monday nights, breakfast on Saturdays & Sundays, takes patrons on trips to casinos, wine auctions, ballgames etc., encourages patrons to frequent nearby establishments, is willing to try something different (&Hip Hop night didn't work out - but at least she tried!).. It is a regular, neighborhood bar - all age groups, all colors, sexual persuasions, voter demographics - WHAT DID I MISS? Folks, it's just a bar. You wanna cocktail after work? Your very fun bartender will get that for you. HOWEVER, If you drink too much and get obnoxious, you will be asked to leave - JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER BAR. If you look young, you will be asked for your ID - JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER BAR. If you look & act like a hooker, don't order a drink, sit at a table applying make up then try to steal change from the bar, you will be thrown out - JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER BAR. If you came in with a group of people just to start a fight with a girl now dating your ex-boyfriend, you will be 86'd - JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER BAR. I'm not saying those examples may resonate with those leaving particularly negative reviews..... I'm just saying.... Oh yeah, if parking across the street is 'too far' for you (Waa...WAAA) You can park around back by Fink's - that'll do. GREAT juke box. Not John Lee Hooker's Boom Boom Room great - although I haven't been there in an age - but 'wow, you found that song on this jukebox?' great. Plenty of TV for sports. You might have to remind a bartender - 'Hey, the Whozzits game, could you put that on?' Sometimes they'll put one event on every TV - ask & you shall receive. OK? Now go out there & play nice read more

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Monday nights are the best here. Monday night football and steak night is great here. Only $8. Oh did I forget a few cold ones. Only thing that could make this night better is if my beautiful fiancé was here enjoying it with me. read more

The Funky Monkey - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

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Pool table. Juke box. Friendly service. Cool space. Terrible music, way too loud. Not recommended.

This bar/lounge, whatever it is, is not a good place. First of all, the bartenders concentrate on the "usuals" and not on the walk ins. They chop it up with the people they know and forget to service the other people. Me and my friend walked in there and stood for about 15-20 minutes waiting for service. Why? Because the bartenders were talking, conversing, Chopin it up with their regulars. Unacceptable. The crowd at the bar used to be diverse, now it just seems like, and excuse my language, but all ghetto. It feels like walking into downtown Oakland inside this bar. The security is shit, they let people in who they know WITHOUT checking their ids and check everyone else's id. I do believe at any bar an ID is required regardless if you know the person or not? Am I wrong? On top of that they are bias in their decisions, who am I kidding, they're racist. My friend got into an altercation with another patron and we got asked to leave, my friend was right in all manner of her argument and yet we still were asked to leave. The other party? And again, excuse the language, but they were black. We tried to argue our point, but no we were not only asked, but told to leave. On top of that my friend was shoved by the security guard and knocked to the ground when she was just trying to argue her point moreover. Wtf is that? Protecting the patrons in the bar? Under no circumstances, by anyone's standard is it cool to shove a girl hard enough to knock her over. They need to put security in check, I would understand if it was a guy, but a girl? This was the second "chance" we gave this place and this place is a definite no. Never coming back here again. If there is anyway to give half a star please someone tell me because this place is shit. NOT A RECOMMENDED BAR TO GO TO, yes I'm a new user but look, I had such a bad time I had to make an account just to write this review. That says a lot about this place. read more

The Funky Monkey - This is the security guard who shoved my friend. DO NOT COME TO THIS BAR. SECURITY POWER TRIP AND DO NOT FOLLOW PROTOCOL AT ALL. - Bars Near Me - Hayward, California

I'm all for hole in the wall bars, but this place is straight up GHETTO!! You really got to watch out here because the type of patrons that frequent this bar are the type of people looking for trouble. They look for any reason to start shit or fight with you. I was waiting in line for the bathroom and I guess whoever was in there took awhile so the group of girls ahead of me started banging on the door and the two girls in the bathroom gave them attitude and a fight broke out. There was a woman security guard right near the bathroom which leads me to believe fights between girls break out there often. Also, they charge an arm a leg for drinks and what's up with those plastic red cups? You can't afford glasses? Truly GHETTO read more

If you want to RUN out due to fighting, then this is the place to be! It was a girls night out (last weekend 10/17) celebrating our friends birthday. We were there long enough to get a drink (the bartender Lisa, I think that was her name, she seemed confused and maybe a little tipsy) a guy was yelling at her. She got mad and threw some ice which hit a totally different guy! We we there for a total of 20-30 minutes. We saw some people pushing and shoving each other on the dance floor. Luckily we were seating next to the door at a table and RAN out!! Such a waste of time and we didn't get to finish our drinks!! The police were outside maybe 5 or 6 HPD cars were there. I only gave it ONE star because Yelp made me. read more