Nestled awkwardly between Rusholme and Uni, there's a strange little row of shops. There's a Subway (oh, there's *always* a bleedin' Subway) and a Tesco (ditto) and a Wetherspoons. Aaaaah, Wetherspoons, the chain-pub behemoth with its £2.99 cottage pie and its £4.75 beer and burger deals. Ahhh, Wetherspoons, with its low low drinks prices and general air of cheapness.
Now, in recent reviews, I have pointed out that I love a bargain, and that I like a dirty, cheap 'n' cheerful bar every now and then. So, why don't I love 'spoons? I'm not sure, to be honest. A lot of it is to do with the clientele. They're not very nice, most of the time. The Ford Madox Brown juuust about manages to balance the 'terrifying local man' contingent with the 'friendly student' contingent, so that's OK. And the food really is good value. I've eaten here a handful of times, when I've just been like "sod it, I want a pint, I want a burger, let's get cracking" and though it's not exactly Michelin starred, it fulfilled my expectations and my appetite.
As with all 'spoonses, The FMB puts on 'festivals'. That is to say, there'll be a wine festival, during which you can pop in and get 50p off one of their finer Blossom Hill vintages. It was during one such 'festival' that myself and my friends, giddy from having handed in our dissertations, and drunk from FMB's cheap pints, noticed a table, unguarded, laden with unopened bottles of plonk. We were excited, and as we left we nabbed two bottles. On the bus on the way to Shambolic Friend's house, we were a-swigging our stolen plonk when Classy Friend pipes up "Becca, this wine is Ribena". I excitedly replied, "it is raaaather fruity isn't it!" to which her riposte was "no, Becca, it's just Ribena. IT IS FAKE WINE!" The story ends with me spilling said Ribena all over the bus and myself, and being sharply glared at by an old lady.
This story has nothing to do with whether you should go to this 'spoons, but it makes me giggle. Though, come to think of it, it could be a searing comment on how cheap drinks prices are RUINING the youth of today, it depends if you read the Daily Mail I guess.
The FMB is not a place to spend your whole evening. It's a good after-work place for a swift one, it serves admirably as a lunchtime venue and it's an OK place to get a cheap start to your night. What bugs me about it, though, is that it doesn't feel honest. There's a 'spoons in the city centre called The Wetherspoon, and it's horrid. I like that, that honesty. The FMB, with its artist namesake, faux-wood-panelling and cavernous cathedral loos and brocade armchairs, feels like it's trying to deny its 'spoonsy roots, and that rankles a bit with me. 'Spoons ain't classy, never has been, never will be. And that's fine. What's not fine is the air of pretence this place has.
So, final verdict, come, eat, drink, just try not to get too angry at the faux-class that awaits you; it's just a 'spoons. read more