The start of a new school year is supposed to be filled with the anticipation of what the year has in store, both academically and socially for our kids - it's so exciting to pack new school supplies into a new backpack and embark on an adventure with friends old and new! For me, the start of a new school year brought nothing but dread. In September, my goal was for our daughter, now 9, to not hate school. By Halloween, there were tears on Sunday nights prompted by Monday's return to school. By Thanksgiving, I was counting down the days until winter break. Over winter break, I pondered everything from home schooling to how we became such horrible parents. By mid-January, I wanted to cry every Sunday night (every night, really).
We were failing our daughter and I felt helpless. In theory, we had done everything right: we moved to a community full of kids with great public schools and park programs. So where did we go wrong?
Things seemed great for the first few years, until our youngest entered elementary school. For her, kindergarten was challenging but manageable, thanks to a wonderful, nurturing teacher. We attributed "challenging" to the fact that she is young and immature for her grade. First grade was rocky, academically she was good but there were some behavioral issues (not following instructions, being slow to transition). We justified the behavioral issues as attributable to the teacher transitioning out in December for maternity leave and then back in March. Second grade was a complete disaster; by the second half of the year, our daughter's standardized test scores went from the 80s to the 40s, she developed behavioral issues and was completely miserable. There were some brutal moments coming to grips with the fact that we had raised an undisciplined daughter with no respect for authority and a complete rejection of all things academic. She flat out refused - regardless of the consequences - to do homework. I couldn't pay her to write four sentences on "What I did over summer break."
Turns out, we were failing as parents. But not in the way we thought. We were so set on the plan (move to a community with good public schools) that we failed to consider alternatives; we had no plan B. We looked at challenges only in the context of the plan, justifying them: she's young for her age, lack of teacher continuity, etc. It wasn't until second grade - rock bottom - that we finally started questioning the plan.
Questioning the plan was the most difficult thing we have done as parents. Not only did we critically reassess what we had been doing for the last 5 years (and the associated damage to the kids we love most), but we alienated some peers and friends who thought we were critically assessing what they were doing. Early on in the process of looking at alternatives, one parent said "How can you think of leaving, what's wrong with this school?" As a result, we stopped talking to other parents about it, which was isolating. So, not only were we bad parents, we were also sneaky, secretive and ashamed that we need a plan B.
Looking at schools was daunting; neither of us knew a thing about early childhood development. All we knew is that we had an unruly, miserable seven-year-old on our hands and we felt that we had ONE SHOT to fix our predicament. We winged it, called a variety of schools within a 15-mile radius, narrowed it down to three based on phone screens and settled on two school visits (the third had a waiting list and we were not willing to wait). Within minutes of meeting Pamela Freese, the Director of The Children's School, with whom I had spoken previously, I knew it was a special place. We were very honest about our situation and the challenges ahead; Pamela assured us that they were up for the challenge, so we scheduled a shadow day and eventually enrolled.
Fast forward one year, over the course of which so much happened but this is already long-winded enough. We could not be happier with our decision. Both of our daughters had an extraordinary year last year - for our youngest, we stopped a downward spiral that could have been irreversible. At our first parent-teacher conference, the teacher handed us a creative writing story she wrote. There must have been 6 or 7 pages. Pages! From the girl who could not be bribed to write four sentences. For our oldest, there was an acceleration of growth, maturity and assertiveness. I've cried more tears this past year than in prior years, but they were tears of appreciation and admiration.
I never thought a school could be life changing, but The Children's School changed our lives. And, this year, I am filled with the anticipation of what the year has in store, both academically and socially for our kids! read more