If you thought Jabba the Hutt was cute, you'll love this castle.(http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=jabba%20the%20hutt%20&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CDEQFjAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FJabba_the_Hutt&ei=eoR9UfPSEej5igK8r4GwCw&usg=AFQjCNGD4ZiwivtPoGz74u5bi7KRcpibUA&sig2=hgptCUgTKUSYrpd-blowGw&bvm=bv.45645796,d.cGE)
It's big and ugly and squats like a fattened toad on a hill. I imagine only a Highlander would love the looks (picturing a blue-faced, adrenaline-fueled Mel Gibson as William Wallace).
It is the very antithesis of Germany's Neushwantstein (http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=neu%20shwantstein&source=web&cd=2&ved=0CD4QFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FNeuschwanstein_Castle&ei=lZd8UaDiA-aniALDoICwBQ&usg=AFQjCNE9ywT1MNwjBMZDhX6rCxzjykpPRA&sig2=PWYj6cNmR-WHerxEQVKTOg&bvm=bv.45645796,d.cGE). If Walt Disney conjured a world of beautiful damsels dangling long, golden hair from ivory-white towers ala Neushwanstein, he'd make Edinburgh Castle the home of the Orcs. There is nothing pretty about it. It's truly formidable. It was made to intimidate and that it does. It's muy macho. It even has a big ole cannon down there with these huge balls that they whip out now and then, a cannon so big... so big ... that it sank into the road before it could get to the battle. It even has a name, the Mons Meg (http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=scottish%20cannon&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CDAQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FMons_Meg&ei=awSEUfOKNaa7igLIy4C4BA&usg=AFQjCNFrKxnPvFMFtPdZrWwoxYxFJRKJSQ&sig2=s0i1sGATtQrKvMmehe_bpw&bvm=bv.45960087,d.cGE). Oh well, it was a gift anyway, easy come-easy go.
If you're in Edinburgh, you'll go see it, admire the views, envision English or Nordic invaders storming the walls, maybe catch the "Tattoo" http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=the%20military%20tattoo&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CEUQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FRoyal_Edinburgh_Military_Tattoo&ei=UAKEUfG7H4fYigKp1IGgAQ&usg=AFQjCNGVEJvFbP2WzSIoH9-P-0Ukko86zA&sig2=oZ8e9aUh3_3C1NrTW2jyNw&bvm=bv.45960087,d.cGE
And just like their friends down south, they keep their Crown Jewels (their "Honours") buried behind bigass rock walls. Only these jewels are meh compared to the English. (I can't believe I used "meh" describing someone's crown jewels). I'm not meaning to demean these scepters and crowns and stuff, they are just less eye-popping than those in London. http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=scottish%20honours&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CEYQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.royal-mile.com%2Fcastle%2Fcastle-crownjewels.html&ei=mwKEUZvPCcjxiQKqm4HYBw&usg=AFQjCNFBKfAOZgBDOPyU6-0jRUCDoBL4PQ&sig2=gfNON3lz37S2WH0KhkRVmw&bvm=bv.45960087,d.cGE
We took the obligatory photos and walked the Royal Mile, Edinburgh's Rodeo Drive http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=royal%20mile&source=web&cd=2&ved=0CD0QFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.edinburgh-royalmile.com%2F&ei=LwCDUfXXMqLoigKI04CYCA&usg=AFQjCNFXSVxQzZMxfguHQuWDVfUaTOiTIA&sig2=zhpuSJfUxKmGfmp64hq0KQ&bvm=bv.45960087,d.cGE.
where we shopped a bit, bought some tartan cloth for a skirt, a silver thistle brooch for me mum (I mean "my mom", sorry) and headed out for some pub fare and a wee dram or two.
(Another review will describe the Tower of London (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crown_Jewels_of_the_United_Kingdom). This is where the Beefeater guard pointed his spear-thingie at me and told me to step away from the display. I felt so dirty, ha ha. read more