It's 9:30 pm, a rainy Monday night. I'm fresh out of the Rock Climbing Gym in flip-flops and…read morepaint-stained cargo shorts. I'm covered head to toe in chalk, in the middle of a thunderstorm.
But I'm on a mission. A mission from God (re: my Wife)
My mission, should I choose to accept it (and the consequences are dire if I don't), to find the perfect blonde hair dye for my wife's dark brown/chestnut red natural hair. She's a brunette, and it's bachelorette party season and time for pool parties - time to be blonde!
So, I strolled in to Walgreens. Expecting, with my extensive experience with home hair dye, to find "Blonde," "Blonder," "Blondest," and "OH GOD I'M BLIND." Plus the equivalents for Brown, Black, and maybe some blue, green and pink thrown in just for kicks.
But what did I find?
A dizzying array of brands and colors, all with cover pictures of what the hair dye will look like perfectly on anyone, no matter what color they start with or how long they leave the dye in. What's worse, there's bleach-free, bleached, all-natural - five different number systems for various levels of lightness, a hundred different names for the same shade(s), and boxes of various colors just mess it up when you try to look at the whole collection at once.
What's a guy to do!
But by the grace of Google and these two thumbs, and a several very handy blogs - one in particular called "The Home Hair Dying Guide for Bored Brunettes" (seems legit!) and I found it. By golly and gosh, I found it!
...I think.
...I sure hope!
On my way out I also checked out the lush array of gummies and some of the trail mix, plus I picked a Gatorade flavor I've never tried before (as is my way) and waltzed my chalk-covered, flip-floppered, proud-as-punch self up to that kind lady at the checkout. I told her my story, and she actually was nice enough to act interested, but did *not* share my confidence in my success! Hope is fading!
Still, I checked out, started chowing down on my trail mix, guzzling Gatorade, and made my merry way home to face the reward for a job well done, or the terrible retribution for bleaching my lovely wife's head. The jury is out on which!
