My boss had had a few and for some inexplicable reason suggested we go
to this bar for a few more drinks. I informed him that I would be the
oldest person in there by 20 years and he would be the oldest by 40
years and that would have been true had there been anyone else there.
But no. To be fair it was 8pm on a Thursday night and the Faces crowd
don't usually turn up for a couple more hours so I don't think that's
typical. But anyway...
Once my eyes had got accustomed to the retina-burning neon pink and
blue decor I sat at the bar to choose my drink. It's a cocktail bar,
what better than a martini right? Ummmm, no. The 12 year old barman
said 'sorry we don't do martinis, we don't have any vermouth'. This is
like going to a sushi bar and them saying 'sorry no fish' - genuine
WTF moment right there.
So I had a bellini in a plastic champagne glass. The boss expressed
some surprise at this but I told him it's probably for the best when
your clientele is the 'quantity over quality, belligerent
binge-drinker' type. The last thing you need when you dare to look at
someone funny in the girl's toilets is for them to have a dangerous
weapon in hand. I also had a cosmopolitan. In a plastic martini glass.
With a straw so you can get it down your neck quicker. Awesome.
We decided to leave having been there for an hour with no further
patrons walking through the door. But don't listen to me - if you're
18, sporting five inch heels and a mahogany spray tan and are looking
to get liquored up in order to bag a footballer then this is the place
for you.
I will say one thing though. I'm old enough to remember the 80s FIRST
TIME ROUND and nothing was this '80s' even then. I mean check out the
sign! It should say 'Cocktails (except martinis) and Dreams'. And I
can't give a good score to a bar that plays Phil Collins. I'm off to
the pub for a gin and tonic IN A PROPER GLASS. read more