I couldn't tell you for the life of me how great the Twin District Fire Department fights fires, or rescues cats from trees, or how well groomed its firefighter's mustaches are, but I can tell you that this fire department is a great place to go vote!
While others around the office complained of long lines and other irritations at their respective polling places, I didn't have that issue. I did throw up in my car a little bit before entering the fire hall, but then I slid right in, threw up on my ballot and slid right back out without a second hiccup. If it weren't for the disgusting candidates America wanted me to choose from for President, I probably wouldn't have thrown up at all.
I know now that for years to come I am in good hands. No, not that the country will be in good hands regardless of which candidate wins this race, because it won't be, but I will have a great place to vote for the successor to this next four year abomination.
And finally, in case you're wondering who I voted for, it was Paul Ryan, of course. #Merica read more
