My mom - like so many other moms - always told me that if you had nothing good to say, it'd be best…read moreto not say anything at all.
I am very tempted to abide by her advice! Alas, doing so would primarily mean that you may end up being an unsuspecting customer of this establishment.
Sure, it looks pleasant enough, the location is great, you can sit outside and watch the world go by. All that is great. What's not great are those "burgers."
First off, if you are expecting an American burger, this is NOT the right place. There are so many things wrong with what they serve as a burger here that I don't really know where to start. I'll give you some lowlights:
1.) The patty. They say it's meat, but I am not altogether sure. It looks like it's something mixed in with a whole lot of sawdust. It's also got a rather suspicious red tint to it - perhaps from some spice (although, wouldn't that add some flavor?). Or, perhaps, because the sawdust they use comes from Redwood trees. I'm tempted to stick with the Redwood theory. Their patty usually consists of a pork/beef mix (plus sawdust?) - unless you specify otherwise and pay a 1 Euro premium for all beef.
2.) The bun. Germans usually know how to bake - and that includes anything related to bread. Unfortunately, what you get here is neither here nor there. It looks like a burger bun, but it's strangely flaky and crumbly. I thought both flavor and texture were, uhm, yuck.
3.) The sauce. Lots of sauces can be put on a burger. One, however, should never be put on: The one served at this restaurant. The primary flavor is "sweet." It's like they took a teaspoon of ketchup and added another teaspoon of sugar to it. They describe the sauce as "spicy." That must mean it's spicy to a German palate from the 1950's because this Yank didn't detect even the slightest hint of heat. It reminded me of those "extra hot" salsas you can buy at the grocery stores in Germany. They are about as spicy as ketchup that's been kept on the same shelf as a jalapeño. The same is true for this concoction. I kept asking myself why they would do something like that - but I had an idea (Point #4).
4.) The flavor. A good burger should come together nicely and harmoniously. Ingredients should follow the idea of Gestalt - you know: The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. That kind of thing. Here, that is not true. That thing you're getting is bland - aside from the overly sweet sauce that's once seen a jalapeño on TV.
Overall, I would NEVER EVER eat here again. EVER. No. Nope. Not to my liking. Whoever thinks that the food here is akin to an actual burger should seek help. This sandwich is as similar to a US burger as bulgur is part of traditional Thai food.
Why not one star? Easy - I managed to eat most of it (boy was I hungry!) and I did not die. At least not yet. I've been to places where the latter requirement was - for a time - questionable...
