Rogers Family Orchards
If you're searching for New England small town nostalgia, look no farther than Roger's Family orchards . A beautiful u-pick apple orchard in idyllic Johnstown, New York. This upstate New York destination at the base of Adirondack mountains oozes old time charm from its produce stand to its pumpkin patch. Stop by and get local cheeses, home made pastries or pies and don't forget their fresh squeezed apple cider it's so good it's hard to just have one.
Did you know that if you drink too much apple cider and eat too many apples to quickly it can lead to sudden and violent diarrhea. Neither did I. The kind of emergency you don't know is happening, until you stand up and start walking into a New Jersey rest stop. (Not even to use the restroom but stop to grab a water.) And somewhere between the Starbucks and Chick-fil-a kiosks it starts rushing down your legs with no notice. Then you scramble to do your best to clean yourself in a stall. Attempt and fail to flush your shame under garments. Use a whole giant roll of thin toilet paper only to leave shit water wet. You then sit on cardboard so you can drive to the far end of the parking lot where you use rags soaked in alcohol to try and wipe and cleanse your shame away, unsuccessful. Throw away your shirt, pants and socks. And change into spare clothes that you thankfully have and proceed to drive hours home, so you can shower your dirty and now shit burned skin. And apply diaper cream from your ass to your ankles to soothe your diaper rash.
Needless to say moderation is a virtue best observed. Because while alcohol can provide liquid courage, cider can only endow liquid shame.
Two stars.
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