Every person I met here talks and talks, but they never really say anything useful. My ex…read morepsychiatrist, Dr. Olimpia Rosario, got all judgey and had the nerve to tell me that two ounces of marijuana a month is too much pot! How dare anyone presume to tell anyone else how much pot they need to make it through their days. Pot is one of God's great gifts to humans. To not use it for comfort as needed would be a slap in God's face. Sometimes I have trouble catching my breath at night, but a klonopin makes the problem go away. I told Dr Rosario about all this and she tells me to get my lungs checked out. Stupidly, I listened and traveled over half the state having my lungs checked out. Both my regular and my sleep doctors looked at my lungs, looked at me like I was an idiot, and told me I should take more klonopin. So she did all this: wasting my time, my doctors time, and my insurance companies money, all so she could kick the problem- which actually should have been in her wheelhouse- down the road. She was always laughing, too. She said I cracked her up, but she always laughed way too hard for way too long. It always made me feel very uncomfortable. It was a very hearty, full throated laugh. I think Dr Rosario thought so long as she got her laughs in, I was doing a-ok. One time I asked Dr Rosario a very carefully worded question so as to not cause any confusion. She said everything would be ok, then a few months later she said they weren't OK. So, either a) she lied, or b) she wasnt even paying attention to me to begin with. Either way, I don't need someone like that in my life. When I mentioned the discrepancy, she rolled her eyes at me. For years, Dr Rosario would ask me how my motivation was and year after year I reported it was no good. She did nothing for me. Dr Rosario said you can't always take a tablet, yet she prescribed seven tablets for me to take daily. Thank God the good folks at Renew had the intelligence and kindheartedness to inform me that Dr Rosario had me on a dangerously high combination of Prozac and Remeron. She had me maxed out on Prozac- three times what I actually needed, and over-maxed on Remeron- EIGHT times what I should have been on in order to avoid SERIOUS side effects. About a month before Renew took me off all the excess meds, I told my care coordinator I was afraid of swallowing my tongue because I kept having to swallow hard A LOT and my tongue kept doing strange things. But since Renew fixed my meds overage, I haven't had that problem or fear as much anymore. So, on top of everything else, Dr Rosario had me walking around in constant danger- all the while: laughing, laughing. The therapist I had here, Heather Cable, told me how she felt about everything: politics, her family, her neighbors, her patients, her medical diagnoses, etc. She acted like someone was paying me on her behalf. After a while, I learned it was better to follow the opposite of her advice. Sometimes I had to explain something to her four or five different ways before she understood or said she understood. She even encouraged my fighting with my family, like she was sitting ringside. Once she told me "I get excitement from your drama." One of the first times I met with Heather, she was walking behind me and I heard her snicker. Now, if Dr Rosario hadn't had me in such a low place and I had had any self worth at the time, I would have turned around right then and said "what the heck is your problem?" When it happened, though, I remember thinking to myself, "well, I guess this is the best I can ask for: a therapist who snickers at me behind my back." One time, a cousin of my dad's got swept away into a river and couldn't be found for about a week. When I told Heather about this, she spouted: "man, I'd hate to be the one to find the body!" Go to Renew Mental Health and Wellness, they'll treat you like you're your own person. Renew solved my motivation problems within the first month and a half, and they cut my daily meds intake by three and three quarter tablets. Now that Ive gotten rid of dr Rosario and her antiquated practices, Ive realized what life truly CAN be, and its amazing! Im reading, writing, and working on art again. Now, instead of just thinking about my goals, Im actually accomplishing them! Meeting these two women I met here and accepting "care" from them are two of the worst decisions Ive ever made. Switching to Renew has been and continues to be one of the best. I feel more enlightened now and Ive learned a lot since leaving Ar Next Step. One thing Ive learned is that I want to try to stop opting for temporary and instant convenience over long term fulfillment. Another is that sometimes the small things are really big, and sometimes the big things are really small. Now, Im in love with every moment of every day, just for the fact that Im alive to experience it. I can't even write it all, not enough space.
