this is a place that'll be a little jarring for the uninitiated, but you must please understand that in a bleak & hostile world pan's package is a precious treasure of springtime & delight that is also full of miscellaneous booze. realize you have entered a sacred place. you will notice everything is covered in roughly two inches of undisturbed dust. this is a lesson you must learn. if the spirits rest, why disturb them? in case you didn't notice, that was a joke about spirits that i made. just a little cerebral treat for you there. enjoy. let me know when you're ready to continue.
your feeble, wifi-enervated gaze might find that the stock (which you have definitely tripped on by now [approx avg trip rate 3 bottles per minute]), is not sorted per any recognizable terrestrial logic or pattern, & okay, just, what i need you to do right now is try to open your third chakra (in a discreet way this is a respectable establishment) & allow your soul's tessellations to perceive the forms of infinite universal entropy being represented to you here. it is a gift. also the vodka is to your right, in a generalized sense. also a gift. you have to buy this one though.
like, you know, i get that you're from out of town or whatever, so pan & i forgive you your clumsy half-developed-self-awareness thing going on, because hell, you're learning on this earth just like us all, right? we won't even talk shit about you after you leave because this is the way of pan. when you walk in, pan will probably be watching a drama in chinese on his ipad, and he will be watching it when you leave, and the cosmic explanation for this is that Pan is Living the God Damned Dream.
also, pan has brought me a fan, pickled peppers, and a giant bag of zucchini he dropped off at my door around the corner from the store, because he is this world's only perfect human. also, one time pan told me a very long story about a rainbow. the story went like this: one time he saw one. pan is my shooting star.
also just to cover all the bases here, he def overcharges a little bit, but for real, who actually cares? do you? you're a monster. PAN FOR PRESIDENT 2016 read more