In my early twenties I trusted this coach deeply. We had a good relationship for years that helped me sort through many of life's complications. She was the first adult I had trusted in life, as I had a lot of attachment trauma from growing up with unsafe adults. This deep bond based on trust made what happened next even more painful.
When I disclosed abuse to her, my concerns were dismissed. She then went on to work with both of the people abusing me, and the dynamic between us changed dramatically. Looking back, I think that this was a serious ethical and boundary issue. It is worth noting that I came to her mentor when I was a child, and explained the abuse that was taking place at home, as I was terrified for my younger sibling. She gave me a spiritual platitude about how children choose their parents on a spiritual level. That surprised me because I assumed that she was a mandated reporter. I find this line of thinking to lead to victim blaming. Do victim of genocide also spiritually choose that fate? I think no.
During a traumatic reproductive experience that left me overwhelmed by grief and in extreme psychological distress, I received responses that I now think were deeply inappropriate. She told me that lots of women go through this and don't mention it. She dismissed my spiritual beliefs in a way that intensified my destabilization. Spirituality is deeply personal, the cognitive and emotional structures--hope, purpose, meaning--are load-bearing, especially during a crisis. It was painful to plunge into nihilism without proper spiritual support.
Rather than being encouraged to seek psychiatric care for what I would later learn was a mixed manic episode with psychotic features, I was given reductive lifestyle advice such as eating less sugar and "laying off the spiritual stuff" while I was in religious psychosis.
13 years later I am still dealing with the psychological fallout from the care I received during that period. The consequences did not end once I stopped working with her.
I would urge vulnerable people, especially those dealing with trauma or severe mental health symptoms, to seek support from licensed clinicians with clear ethical standards and appropriate psychiatric referral practices. They deserve ethical care with firm boundaries, and professionals who recognize the limits of their expertise before someone's life unravels. read more
