When I first met Vilma, my world was filled with darkness. I was consumed by self-loathing to the…read moreextreme. I didn't trust anyone in the world, not even my lover. I thought people were selfish narcissists who only cared about themselves when they were cold. But among them, the one I hated the most was myself.
During a time when I was trapped in the abyss of self-loathing, unable to move from my bed, I felt the need for help, and I made my first call to Vilma. From that moment on, I have been seeking counseling from Vilma for over two years. She slowly nurtured my heart, as if extracting poison from long-standing wounds.
For 15 years, I believed that my struggle stemmed solely from my inability to control myself. I attributed it to my excessive vanity, competitiveness, and narcissistic tendency to prioritize how others perceived me. I thought I couldn't love anyone else and that my preoccupation with myself was the cause of these symptoms. That was the first thing I told her.
However, she has spent a long time counseling me and has helped change the way I think. She not only introduced me to various cognitive methods that allowed me to be more compassionate toward myself, but it was more than that. What she taught me was a warm heart. A warm heart that cares for and worries about others. As she listened to my heart, she exemplified how others can become warmer toward one another.
Through her, I learned what it means to care for others, and I began to strive to become that way myself. Those experiences gradually helped me realize the message she was trying to tell me. 'I am not a bad person.'
Through counseling with her, I was able to recall a trauma from 15 years ago. It was an experience that I could never forget, but one that I had buried deep within the depths of my heart, like the sea. It was a trauma that was so difficult to face that I had pretended it meant nothing at all. I couldn't even label it as a trauma because I couldn't confidently admit that I was a victim. If it weren't for her counseling, I would have carried it within me for a lifetime, as I couldn't even recognize it as a wound. I believed I didn't deserve to.
When I confronted the experience that I couldn't share with anyone, she held the hand of my heart, ensuring that I wasn't afraid. She continued to support me until I no longer feared the trauma completely.
Now, I no longer think of the world as solely cold. I no longer believe that people only care about themselves. Through her, I have felt and understood that people can be a source of help for one another, and just knowing that has made the world appear more hopeful and brighter to me.
Thank you, Vilma. I wanted to express my gratitude properly to you, but my words fall short, and I couldn't express my thanks adequately.