Court date: February 21, 11:15 a.m. I get here at 10:15 because in no ways in h3ll did I want to…read morebe late, anybody in his right mind will take these court times serious.
Parking is ample, if you have lots of money in your pocket. Expect to pay an average of $8 to $15 depending on how long you have the pleasure of staying in here.
The building is pretty small compared to other court houses that you are looking for. It is about five or six stories and if you drive by too fast you will miss the 1302 on the door.
Well Mr. Patronella, I'm here again to pay my random tax that I should soulfully blame myself I reckon? Well, I guess that's what I deserve for killing a cock roach as I stepped off of a curb while jay walking across the street earlier heading to the corner bar with a 40 already in my hand while smoking a laced grape blunt and carrying an expired student visa card in my pocket that was used to compact two roaches to toke that I had in my wallet right? Well, not really, everybody around me was driving too slow so I got bored of being part of the pack and wanted to take a little free spirited initiative to break the pack that would not deform for 3 freaking miles, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
BEFORE YOU LEAVE YOUR CAR, BEFORE YOU ENTER, leave anything metal that you have on you to save you time and embarrassment because you will be greeted by the metal detector nazis. You all have seen Seinfeld's "Soup Nazi" correct? Don't BS me, everybody has seen it, if you havn't, check out a smidgen of it on you tube. Anyways, you most likely will have to take off your belt, put your wallet, your keys, phone, pager (do people still own these?), loose coin and if you have metal in your shoes, yes you will have to take those off too....so you better be darned sure you didn't bring your socks that have holes in them unless you want to be used as entertainment value of the moment.
Got a Prince Albert? Yes, that will be detected too and don't think they won't make you take those off as well (no, I don't have one and never will, don't ask).
After you proceed from there commence with putting your clothing articles back on like you just got raped in a public building and try not to make a scene because 10 feet across the room there is an armed constable standing there looking at you in case you make a sudden move for that gum you had in your pocket, I said GUM.
Glad I got through that, being nervous not knowing what is going to happen to you in there is enough to make you want to go and wash your face, well I did, and you know what? Some sadistic janitor decided it would be cool to not stock the facilities with paper towels, that's fine, I'll just wipe my face and hands on my sleeve, splashing water on my shirt and pants and water getting on my front side making it looked like I pee'd on myself or something, great.
Finally made my way to the room, it's not hard to find, it's the only one with the benches/pews. Advice, remove your hat, don't bring newspapers or anything to read, don't bring food/drinks especially gum, crying babies or even guests, handle it like a man (or woman) and go yourself, the last time I went there was no room, standing room only, if you are not there for court and are coming along for support, you will be axed to stay outside (ok, the clerk or whatever she was said she will have to axe instead of ask people to leave).
Pleasantry, like I said, I got there an hour early and what seemed like the lead lady there asked me and two others if we were there for the 11 a.m docket (at least for me but we all were), I told her that I understand I will be here a long time that I just did not want to be late, she escorted me outside to the pay line and said I might not have to wait all this time, she was really nice! (no sarcasm there). It was her first time being the court leader (I do not know what they are called) and I give her service a 5 star rating, really. I told her my situation that I am there again to plead to the judge and hope that he hears my case on why something happened and she acknowledged that that might be a different happening. She took me to the window to verify my information (documents) and took me back to the benches. She went to confer with the judge, came back and escorted me out of the court room again. She whispered in my ear "This is a rare case but you need to keep your documents up to date/current because this usually NEVER happens, you are dismissed". I wanted to hug her! I wanted to pick her up in a bear hug, turn a circle and scream......but I did not want to be thrown across the street at that "other" place where you have to make bail.
I can't see me giving here anything more than three stars because really who likes going to court? So it's A ok, because of the five star service that the lead/head lady did for me. I guess a lot of "Yes ma`am" "No ma`'am" "Thank you ma`am" might have helped. Five star for her service.
