To be clear, I post this review in great sadness and in the most respectful way possible. That…read moresaid, I was kicked out of CCC and fired from my full-time job for being gay, when I was a young 24 year old kid that was really struggling in life.
While at CCC, I was forced into the brutal/unchosen lifelong sentence of celibacy, void of romantic love and touch forever (something that hetero church leadership/members will never attempt or fully comprehend the hopelessness of). I began my lifelong journey void of romantic love and touch at age 18.
I was also encouraged by CCC leaders to take gay "conversion therapy" where my therapist told me to "keep things quiet" since conversion therapy was illegal in most states (today it's illegal in ALL states) because it is "strongly discouraged" by the APA (American Psychology Association) due to its harmful affects and common association with suicide. Google it.
Looking back, I find it reckless that my therapists and CCC leaders would disregard the APA's "strong discouragement" of this technique and practice it on children. I could not even look people in the eyes while I was taking this therapy and over time became increasingly withdrawn and isolated (but constantly redirected back to it). As an adult, this really upsets me looking back at it.
Once, I remember a bill was proposed by local politicians (The Ben Grey Act) that was designed to protect gay people in the Omaha workplace from being unjustly fired for their sexuality alone (NOT work ethic). Special workplace protections were already in place for race, age, gender, religion, and disability. So what did the leaders at CCC do?
They pass around a petition to it's 3,000 members during a service to ensure that this bill wouldn't be passed - citing that businesses should have the religious right to fire gay people based on their sexualities (not work ethic). How sick, unloving and cruel. What a horrible message to send these wonderful people that you are called to love.
It was in moments like this that it became crystal clear to me that the leadership/members at CCC saw gay people as second-rate humans. Heteros will never know the dehumanizing pain this inflicts on a young mind. And this is a great example of the treatment that a gay adult will need to constantly cope with when they are in the care of anti-gay leaders that are ill-equipped to care for gay people.
Over the years, my experiences at CCC have come up often with various therapists... which they would often follow with a gasp, and then visible anger. I've seen 4 different licensed therapists since I was at CCC. ALL of them confirmed that my time at CCC was very abusive.
So, finally when I was 24, after spending my entire life loyally fighting off my homosexuality and trying my hardest to fit into a community and an ideology that I couldn't, I began to break at the seams and broke down and went to a gay bar and kissed a boy.
Afterwards, my roommate told on me and I was immediately fired and forced out of CCC. I was escorted off the church premises that day like a stranger. This was my entire network of friends and relationships... my family... As I was escorted off, I couldn't help but think of all of the Christian men that I interacted with everyday that were regularly partaking in masturb*tion, porn*graphy, gluttony/obesity, gossip, drunkenness, live-in partners, divorce, etc... so why could all of these people stay, but I had to go? The load I was carrying was SIGNIFICANTLY heavier than theirs. Pure hypocrisy and abuse.
As l've gotten older, l've become uncomfortably aware of how common this abuse towards gay people is in these churches. The rejection, the stigmatization, the inhumane lifelong/loveless lives, people always viewing you as "a project" and the unbearable emotional isolation... and how often that abuse leads to suicide.
I have SO much more to say but am out of room. I invite anyone that reads this to contemplate my words/tone before judging. I welcome all conversations on the topic broad or specific to anyone/anytime as long as we can do so respectfully. I appreciate all who took the time to read this, thank you.
