The good: The #1 thing I learned in Czech Republic was that if you avoid tourist traps, people don't speak as much English as you think. And that's TOTALLY OK! After all, if I'm a guest in your country you shouldn't have to learn my stupid hard language. It held true anywhere I went in Prague: Learn to speak a little Czech to the locals. After a couple days I had mastered the art of what I call "Czenglish". They DO appreciate it and it WILL come in handy if you stay here.
When I arrived at this hotel it was about 9PM. It's located VERY close to the main tourist areas and easy to find. The area was a bit dark but people were walking up and down the street in dead of winter so it felt pretty safe. The night staff spoke English and check-in was quick and painless. Wish I could say the same for what comes next, but for now, put a pin in that.
The breakfast is the best I've ever seen in my life in ANY hotel/motel/Holiday Inn. No, SERIOUSLY! They had mostly culturally neutral stuff like bread, jam, fruits, meat, egg, etc, but it was FREAKING DELICIOUS ALL AROUND. Hot and cold breakfast buffet is included with the already low nightly price and it's all-you-can-eat so make our crummy country proud and go be a glutton.
The bad: Remember how I said it's a good idea to learn a little Czech? Well here's your Czech word of the day folks: "roztoč." And here's what you're gonna need to say to the local pharmacist when you wake up in the morning in this hotel: "Allergicka pilulka prosim." How do I know this? Because when I got out of bed, my entire body head to toe was alight with bright red welts. Then I noticed the walls were moving. And I don't mean from too much pilsner. As I looked closer, I groaned. The bed, mattress, and walls had plump little brown bugs marching around in formation. They bursted with blood, MY BLOOD, when I hit 'em with a napkin. Coming from NYC, I'd seen this before because NYC is a s&^hole and I'd been stung before. So I knew what I was up against.
Very calmly, I packed up my things, marched downstairs, and tried explaining to the man at the counter that I needed help. He did not understand and said "well, best I can do is give you another room of the same type". Before I could accept, the supervisor came over to enquire why I was changing rooms. She too did not understand my plight. Not wanting to make a scene, I discreetly showed my mangled arm. The entire front desk stared and froze. Never in my life have I seen a supervisor pick up the Bat Phone that fast. She started yelling in Czech into three handsets and then very calmly asked to speak to me in private. She PROFUSELY apologized and said this would be rectified in 30 mins so I decided to take a walk, clear my head, and scratch myself like a junkie. When I came back, a German tourist was lighting up the front desk like the Rhineland in '36. In stark contrast to me, this dummkopf was standing there yelling at the desk staff over $0.63 USD local tax on her checkout bill. Yes, there is a tax on tourists. Yes, there should be. No, it is not collected by Expedia. Yes, with THAT attitude I should have thrown roztoč at her. No, I didn't.
After making the best of the day with plenty of svíčková and liters of pivo, I walked in drunk at about 11PM and went straight to my new room. Then the corded phone rang. This startled me. Who the f&^ calls a landline? Isn't that how "Scream" started? The front desk wanted to speak to me again. This time, a tall woman in a suit greeted me and asked to speak in private. She opened with "I am the district manager. On behalf of my organization, this hotel, my staff, and myself, I want to apologize for everything and assure you there will be a full refund for the night. This will NEVER happen again." The whole time she was looking at me as if she was begging for her life. Those were the eyes of a corporate sacrificial lamb expecting the ax to fall any second. And as is often the case, I felt bad for her. It wasn't her fault. She started apologizing and wouldn't stop for about 10 mins straight until I straight up stood, shook her hand, and said "miss, please, I GET IT! This is not your fault. Thank you for your time." Despite the s%^&show I'd been through I didn't wanna reinforce every negative American stereotype and start demanding handouts.
Can you argue that I should have been screaming like I was on fire and demanding a FULL refund, FULL dry cleaning of all my belongings, and a NEW hotel for the duration of my stay? Sure. But I've survived dating human bedbugs in NYC for 2+ decades. You really think I lose my head over some f&^%ng mite bites?
The ugly: A picture is worth 1000 words and that would put me well over the character limit. Just like "The Gambler" says...read 'em and weep.
In conclusion: The food, location, and service were all top notch. Sadly, the infestation kind of took away from the experience because bedbugs made a bigger meal of me than I made of the breakfast. read more