So, where the hell do you begin in reviewing an 'Adult' Venue. It's an odd one, just now I've…read morelooked at the star rating's thinking I don't have a clue what star to give it, I wasn't massively fond of the place so I give it two stars but that represents 'I've experienced better' which, not only laughingly sounds quite seedy when attached to this review, but that's abit of a lie as this was my first foray into the 'exotic' land of bare naked ladies (in clubs I'd just like to clarify).
I was out on a stag do around town and it'd been arranged for us to be on the VIP list for Victorias. This provided the one purpose of we didn't notice the £10 entry fee (because it was 'discounted' or as I like to think, included in the fee we paid the stag company) as there was no queue for us to jump past.
I have massive misgivings about anywhere that has a door fee unless its an art gallery, or a theme park basically where there aren't additional charges inside for the main attractions... wait it's just clicked in my head how inappropriate that analogy is, Moving on!!
So inside the Club, unsurprisingly I can't provide you photos of the decour as I quite fancied leaving with my knee caps. Needless to say it was turned down lights, a pole in one corner, a bar at one end, boothed seating and enough naked flesh to make a schooboys brain explode.
Unsure of the 'procedure' or etiquette in such places I went straight to the bar as most of our group did, preparing the mental shielding required as I guessed at the price for a beer I was about to purchase. £5 a bottle (Corona) it makes me cringe, but if I'm honest it was not as expensive as I'd concerned myself, so I bought 2 and handed one to one of my Comrades in Stag arms.
Barely had the beer touched my lips than two ladies walked straight over to us. the lass talking to myself was in some for of string/fishnet..I'm not entirely sure what it was 'Dress' (I say dress in the loosest form) and nout else, I can definitely say nout else due to the string/fishnet construction of said garment, a prettyish lass she asked me if I'd ever been to a lap dancing club before and proceeded to explain how it all worked, I would like to say right now that this initial part of the conversation was done in a way to put you at ease with a cheeky grin.
£20 for a dance (which confirmed to me by other members of our group was on the expensive side in comparison to other places in town), while she was not an unattractive lass I had only just arrived and so declined with a 'maybe later' she grinned and went off on her merry way.
We all chipped in for the stag to have a special dance, 2 Ladies... for £60, I can see the maths are already working your brains, "but Toby you just said a dance from one lady was £20" indeed I did, apparently the additional £20 was because the two ladies were Lesbians... and this is somewhere I think the place starts to go down hill, they kept offering us 'deals' which weren't 'deals', they offered us a group 'deal' (which again sounds abit letchy for where we were) where the group could pick 2 girls for all of us, and all get a lapdance, for £200... now there were 10 of us so the money was exactly the same as if we'd all gone our seperate ways with a slight restriction on we wouldn't all have potentially got the girl we wanted, so it wasn't a deal.
The girls overall were 'dissapointing', maybe it makes me a pig of a man but lets stay on track of what I'm reviewing here. If I'm going to part with money for a 'dance' which I could be spending on beer, I'm going to want a lass who's pretty attractive or 'fit' if I use the modern lingo, and overall the girls tending to be abit 'hmmm' not rough, but there were alot of muffin tops going on, which when you're in a venue that I could have made all the outfits from my shoe strings was not really that great to look at, now there were 2 attractive lasses in there, but they were lets just say 'busy' for the vast majority of the evening.
Brilliantly, one of our group took great delight in letting slip to one of the girls that I was a Lapdance 'Virgin', to which this lass laid it on thick with me, sadly not one of the attractive ones as I may have been tempted, I tried to politely say no but she'd scented fresh meat and wouldn't let go, in the end I said I was just seeing what girls were available *cringe* to which her reply was 'well there aren't really many girls to choose from on a night like this, just think you wouldn't go to a restaurant and not eat' the end of that line maybe me laugh and shudder at the same time, and the beginning of the line confused me somewhat as we were in there on a Saturday night at 11.30, again I shall bow to naivety of not knowing which were the 'correct' busy nights to go to such place.
All in all I wasn't mentally destroyed by the place, but also wasn't wow'd. However having not been to any of the other similar places in town difficult to say if it was the Avg/Norm or not
