The reason why I won't return to this church or any church for that matter:…read moreAs a proud Military Veteran who served in Iraq, it's been a long time since I've been to church, last visit to a church in 2002 while stationed at Fort Benning, GA.
I've dealt with PTSD and major depressive disorder since my time in Iraq, and it continues to this day. My Christian path toward God was struggling during all this and decided to quit my Christianity and faith in God altogether, as much as I prayed about it.
I decided I'm gonna try church again and maybe meet some new friends, my dream was to become a pastor of a church, but my time in the Army was a temporary block due to all the training and detail I went through until I get settled enough to try "pastor school" (if that's what it's called), I never learned enough to get that far.
The other day I felt there was a "calling" to be with God's people again, so I decided to start going to church again...this church was chosen due to the "friendly" atmosphere from the Facebook page.
Unfortunately (12 December 2021) I had a difficult time trying to find this church so I was maybe 5-6 minutes late (9:06am) upon arrival. After arriving at the entrance of the church doors, I met the ushers who were very friendly, as expected of course. I asked one usher if he may please direct me to where I'm supposed to go since I'm new here, he kindly assisted to walk me inside the building and noticed my Veteran ballcap and Bible case with a green camouflage covering that read "Army Of The Lord: Ephesians 6:12" on the top, with my Bible inside. He asked if I was in the service, I proudly stated "Army" , it was nice for him to ask me that. But before entering the pew doors, he then asked if I had anything other than a Bible inside my case, therefore, I presented my case to him as he squeezed my Bible case to check for anything else other than a Bible, and mentioned "you can't be too sure these days". As upsetting as that sounded to me and very embarrassed, I quickly laughed it off and told him I understood.
Even though I knew what he meant, that still made me feel so uncomfortable I had a very difficult time dealing with it, and felt I was being stared at by any person that walked by me as I was sitting at the end of a row. I was not able to enjoy my stay and felt God was shaming me for being there as a Veteran with PTSD and struggling with depression. All I did the whole time I was there was stare at the exit door to the side of me deciding if I should just walk out before and during the sermon. When service ended, I just kept my mouth shut, walked out and back to my vehicle in a big hurry to leave before I felt the police were gonna make a quick stop and have me arrested just for going to church "alone". Unfortunately, I'm used to being "labeled" as a freak for serving my Country and permanently disabled due to PTSD. It's funny though, I never mentioned or said anything to this usher about my disability status or any of the sort (no one's business to be honest), just stated I was a U.S. Army Veteran.
With all the "incidents" going on in the world these days, it's understandable anyone can feel that way like that usher did. And the last thing I wanna do is start pointing fingers at anyone, or start any chaos with the staff there. But I thought I'd point this out to this church anyway, I felt compelled to do it. From the sound of it, this church isn't "military friendly" obviously. Which is kinda odd, considering I noticed police officers (in uniform) from City of Tulare in the Facebook photos for your church, so I thought that would be "idea" for me to be a part of your "church" family considering I've also wanted to be a police officer after the Military as well...guess not.
I was having doubts about going to church again that morning upon arrival, and remained in my vehicle for a few minutes a nervous wreck, wondering if I should attend or not due to my disability and struggles with God, guess I made the wrong decision. Therefore, maybe church is not a good idea for a single 52 year-old male with 100% service-connected PTSD and major depressive disorder. Besides, the only people I noticed inside your church were families, kids, and the whole nine yards. I enjoy my "single" life, but being single excludes me from any church or any group gatherings religious or not. I realized that now. Not asking for a pity party or a violin solo, just facing the facts.
Thank you for allowing me in your church. But obviously, it's still not for me. Maybe when I have a family with kids, and my PTSD is removed from me completely, then MAYBE I'll go to church.
Once again, as a proud Military Veteran I was "labeled" and "singled out" like a "war-time" criminal.
Trying to get my house fixed up anyway, so maybe church will just be a "distraction" to keep me from my repair work at home.
If you're gonna "pick and choose" who you want in your church, maybe you shouldn't have a church at all!
